The “new normal” that does not offer a refund.

I’m coming up to 6 years widowed. 6 years.

The reflection of my reality and my widowed grief journey, feels surreal. It comprises of immense tragedy, grief, love, hope, bonds and connections. The full mix of emotions and memories. Grief is a lifelong process.

The cognitive processes that take place when we experience grief are complex. It can be overwhelmingly exhausting, in a world where we are pressured to function at such a high, and ridiculously fast rate.

Even when we might not want to wake up, because our ‘normal life’ has been smashed to smithereens by a death and grief; the pressure to function still exists in the human life design of waking up each day.

Each day we still wake up and we are still faced with our ‘new normal’. This new normal is not what we asked for or want. We can’t trade it for our old normal. There is no in store, service counter, offering returns and refunds for this new normal!

We are forced to take it, to live it. Even when we can’t see forward to the next hour, or the next day. What we need to do next, is build our new normal. To create it, and keep what works, and throw away what doesn’t work.

It takes time. It takes time to build our new normal. It takes patience. It takes unimaginable, brute, inner strength and every single drop of energy that your mind, body and spirit holds.

It can be utterly exhausting. But, even through this exhaustion, a new normal CAN be built. And it can be one filled with love, living, future, and hope.

Building our new normal can be helped along by allowing others in to help, and asking for help with the build. People around us want to help, but quite often aren’t sure how. So it’s up to us to let them know how they can help.

What does help look like? It might be help by offering ears to listen, it might be help with buying a loaf of bread, cooking a dinner, weeding the lawn, feeding your pet, support in making a call.

So know, that you do not have to build your new normal on your own. People around you want to help. It is about asking for help, and most importantly allowing help in. 

Contact Michelle for more information on The Grief Language Project® and how the Project can help your community become more fluent in grief language and know how to support each other in building a new normal after experiencing a death.