How To Support Someone Grieving on Mother’s Day – Interview with Graeme Goodings FIVEaa Radio
For many, Mother’s Day is a time of celebration, but for those grieving the loss of a mother or mother figure, it can be a deeply emotional and isolating experience. Michelle and Graeme will discuss what to consider, what to say, and how to offer meaningful support to those facing grief on this day.
From simple check-ins to creating space for conversation, Michelle will provide practical ways to acknowledge grief, reduce isolation, and foster connection.
Don’t miss this important discussion.
Mother’s Day – a special occasion. It celebrates the role of mothers, motherhood in our society, a time to honour the powerful maternal bond that connects mother and child, and celebrate the influence our mums have had on us over the years. But for many, it’s also a day that brings heartache and magnifies grief. So how do you support someone grieving on Mother’s Day? Joining me now is Michelle Moriarty, grief expert, founder of Grief Connect. Michelle, good morning to you.
Michelle: Good morning.
Host: It’s sad to reflect, but it’s a reality of life that what should be a happy and wondrous day is, for many people, just a concentration of their grief.
Michelle: Absolutely. I was widowed nearly seven years ago, and quite often what I find, in talking to other widowed people or people experiencing deep grief, is that the lead-up to the event date, such as Mother’s Day, can be just as challenging as the day itself.
Host: For a lot of people – someone who’s lost a member of their family – you don’t know what to say, should I avoid them, should I bring it up? What should we do if we know someone is, let’s be specific, on Mother’s Day, suffering terribly?
Michelle: It’s really important that we listen to our intuition. If you’ve got that thought happening – I should reach out to John, Susan, whoever it may be in your family or friend circle – really act on that. It’s very important that we reach out and connect with people we may care about, or who we’re worried about, who we know are experiencing grief, because what we know about grief is that it creates a sense of social isolation for the person who’s experiencing the loss.
Host: There’s no question that some people say, look, they’ve lost someone, I won’t mention it because that’ll only make it worse. That’s not the case, is it?
Michelle: It’s not the case at all. It’s really around connecting with each other, and that’s a human element we’re missing these days – we’re very much working in an individual society where we do things in isolation, separately. It’s about reconnecting, because that’s how we can actually help each other process grief, by talking to each other and by showing that we care, and that can be empathetic. The flip to this is also, if the person who is grieving doesn’t want to speak about it, they also have the ability and the responsibility to say, actually, I’m not wanting to talk about that right now, but I appreciate you making contact. The other thing – and this is my experience – is I had quite a huge amount, especially in my early grief, of people messaging, and I wasn’t able to respond to all of the text messages, whether it was because I emotionally couldn’t do it, or because of the amount coming through. But what was really important to me was that people still messaged, and that was the key for me – even though I wasn’t able to return that contact, I knew that they were there if I needed.
Host: There’s also the guilt thing, isn’t there – say somebody lost their mother recently and this is their first Mother’s Day without them, but your mother is alive and well and you’re wanting to celebrate that time you have, this guilt feeling in front of them.
Michelle: Absolutely. Guilt is also one of these complex layers of emotions that we can feel when we’re supporting someone who’s grieving, or if we’re grieving ourselves. And it’s also okay that we do continue to celebrate event dates – it may be that you can check in if you’re supporting someone, and say, would you like to be a part of this celebration with us, or this is what I’m going to do – giving them the option and having control over whether they participate in that event, or if they choose to say, actually, I’m not ready to do that, I’m going to do something different.
Host: So what advice would you have for the person who is actually grieving?
Michelle: Just take the day, on Mother’s Day, one minute at a time, or one hour at a time. Just take the day very slowly, because the day will pass, even though it might feel like it will never move – and that is one of the very overwhelming feelings when our grief is really big. Just hang in there for the day. And if you need to, it’s really important that when we’re experiencing deep grief, that we also take responsibility and send a message or make a phone call if we’re really not okay and we’re really struggling, because we don’t have to do it on our own. Nobody has to grieve alone, and it’s really about smashing through that stigma associated with grief and going, it’s okay to talk about this.
Host: Michelle, thanks so much for your advice today.
Michelle: Thank you for having me.