Grief. When the Blurriest of Photos Paints the Clearest of Pictures.
Life has thrown such great losses at me over the last few years, that upon reflection, still feel surreal to have happened. Nathan, my late partner died in 2018. I was 38, he was 39. Our baby was only 2 years old. How is that fair? I will never understand.
Looking at myself in the photo below, I see pure innocence. I naively thought I was immune to tragedy. I would never have believed you if you told me how our future would roll out.
It’s the blurriest of photos….photos with no filters that were taken with an old school flip screen mobile phone. We were so excited having a camera set in the phone….those blurry photos paint pictures of love at that time with such clarity.
I have spent a significant amount of time in widow fury, questioning and bargaining with life without a definite response or answer.
Grief has taught me that life gives and takes what it wants. I used to think we had ultimate control over such existential decisions but the truth is a big fat no, we don’t. The ultimate decision is bigger than what we mere mortal humans will ever understand on this earth.
For me, I have never felt so terrified and alone after Nathan died. Grief for me was such a shock. It was my friends, family and community that kept me afloat. The people around me who asked questions about my grief, who spoke Nathan’s name out loud, who were brave and acknowledged my grief and shared their own grief.
But what I do know is that we are fortunate in this life to choose whether we love and treat others kindly, with respect and with compassion. These parts, after Nathan’s death, I have chosen to embrace.
My whole family has been impacted by Nathan’s death and the loss of his jolly self every single day. But what lives on is our connection to Nathan, to his kindness, to his staunchness, to his humour, his love of life, travel, his family and to his everlasting spirit. We move forward feeling privileged to have shared life with him.
I often get asked “how do you do what you do with Grief Connect® Services and have your own grief for Nathan and (recently) your Dad to deal with at the same time”? It’s a good question and I often reflect on it to ensure I am solid in knowing my “why” in moving forward.
The services that I have founded under Grief Connect®, they are Nathan’s legacy (and also now that of my Dad’s). Grief Connect® services exist because of Nathan’s incredible life. Grief Connect® is underpinned by the the view that though our person may not be on this earth with us, their life lives on, through memories, through story telling and through honouring their life as we move forward with our lives. We can start these convesations by asking questions.
Not sure what questions to ask??? So, I combined my lived experience together with my academic and professional experiences to found the Grief Language Project® and recently I launched The Grief Language Project® Connect Cards. The Cards assist workplaces, communities, families and individuals to support each other by asking questions with the aim of connecting with each other through grief, with compassion and respect.
Together, let’s reduce the sense of social isolation that can accompany grief. More information on The Grief Language Project® Connect Cards is available at: www.griefconnect.com.au/connectcards/