Grief. Say Their Name. Acknowledge That They Lived. 

💟 I am a widow, and I have met, worked with, and am friends with many, many widowed people.

💟Widowed people often say to me when talking about their grief and missing their person “people around me don’t say my person’s name anymore and all I want to do is talk about them”.

💟My own experience is that living with widowed grief, it’s all consuming. If we don’t get to talk about our person, about our grief, the social isolation grows more intense and becomes overwhelming.

💟After our person dies, and the funeral is over, it is a common experience that people stop checking in and visiting as much, and it feels like the world around us has moved on and forgotten about our person. This is when it is important that people around us speak the name of our person with us. By saying their name out loud you are not reminding us our person died, there is no way we forgot, but instead you are acknowledging that they lived. And this is about honouring our person’s life. It is important.

💟Speaking about our person helps us feel connected to them, to our new normal, to others and to life.

💟This is why I designed The Grief Language Project® Connect Cards, to increase your confidence in knowing what to say and do when supporting someone who is grieving.

💟One of the card examples is “How are you going missing (say their name)?”. This question gives the person an opportunity and space to share their feelings and can lift the heaviness of grief. This question is a connector and could be a lifeline to the person you are asking.

I will add in, ensure that the situation you are in is appropriate to ask a question. For example, asking such a question in a group work meeting is not appropriate, or if the person says they do not want to talk about it, that’s OK, move on to another subject. Judge the situation as you go. 

🟠 Note: I acknowlege that we must be aware of cultural considerations here, as it is not appropriate in all cultures to speak the name out loud of people who have died. Cultural awareness is required.

💟Your deck of The Grief Language Project® Connect Cards is available by clicking above on “SHOP” or copy and paste into your browser: https://griefconnect.com.au/connect-cards/