The assassination of Charlie Kirk has left a nation grappling not only with shock and sorrow but also with widespread anger. Social media is awash with grief, outrage, calls for justice, and heartfelt outpourings, even sobbing – not just in the US, but here as well. That’s a reflection of just how complicated collective mourning can actually be, especially when set against the backdrop of extreme hatred from the opposing side of the political spectrum. Beyond the politics of it, there’s a grieving widow, there are children, a community struggling to process the whole thing. So how do we move from raw anger towards the healing process? Grief expert and founder of Grief Connect, Michelle Moriarty, joins us on the program now. G’day Michelle.

Michelle: Good morning.

Host: In terms of this Charlie Kirk assassination, because it was extremely violent – or the conflict on the Gaza Strip, whatever it may be – anger often seems to be overshadowing grief. Why do we think anger emerges so strongly in that grieving process, and is that what happens initially, that you get the anger first?

Michelle: Certainly the grieving process can often be accompanied for many people by a sense of anger or a sense of fury, and this situation particularly – there’s a lot of complexity to this because of the political opinions and views. There’s also an injustice that’s occurred, with one human being killing another human being for those political opinions. So that in itself has already aroused many emotions for the community, and as we can see on social media and out there in discussion, there is a lot of upheaval and anger happening out there.

Host: It really is an outpouring of emotion – from sadness to absolute outrage, and Erika Kirk herself, Charlie’s widow, was very, very angry indeed in the video that we saw. How does social media – and I think I know the answer – amplify or complicate the way people grieve together?

Michelle: Social media can sometimes be a hindrance, where it can be full of very unhelpful opinions or some nastiness and trolling type behaviours. However, the flip side is that social media can be extremely helpful when it comes to that collective or community grieving and mourning. It can provide a space for us to share our anger, sadness, despair, confusion – whatever it is, there are so many emotions that come along with grief. It just provides that platform where we can mourn together.

Host: For Charlie Kirk’s family, their personal grief is unfolding in the spotlight of public scrutiny. I often say when there’s a fatal car accident, behind that there’s family and kids and grieving – behind any tragedy there is, but this one is so very public. Does that amplify it? I’m sure it does.

Michelle: Oh, look, absolutely. There’s certainly political issues here, but then also there is the reality for many of his family and friends, where they’re missing their husband, their father – the children no longer have a father to grow up with. So the entrance to widowhood brings with it so many challenges, and Erika, being in the public eye as well, her public grief and her public mourning is also something that we can bond with her over or support her along and join in with as a viewer, especially if we don’t know her necessarily.

Host: She’s been appointed the new CEO of the organisation Turning Point USA, and it’s interesting too, isn’t it, Michelle – in the video that she posted, long after Charlie was assassinated, she was very, very angry. So do you get over the anger over time, or do you never get over it?

Michelle: It’s very difficult, because grief is different for everybody, so I’d find it very hard to comment on Erika personally – she’s going to have her own experience of how she manages her grief. But what is common in widowhood is elements of anger, and those intense feelings we can experience in our very early grief, over time they can ease and they can bring a sense of comfort as we go through – so not necessarily as intensely angry as in those first periods of grief.

Host: The Charlie Kirk assassination is completely different because it’s so very public, so you have to balance private mourning – and I’m sure that’s there too – with this intense public attention.

Michelle: Absolutely, it would be extremely difficult for Erika, but also I’m sure she would bring with it a sense of determination, and if she’s committed to her views no matter what they are, it’s likely that she’ll continue to share her opinion, whether we agree with it or not – it’s something that might be important to her.

Host: And it’s understandable you’re going to be very angry, but are there healthy ways for all of us, and communities even, to move away from anger, towards acceptance, towards healing after something so incredibly traumatic?

Michelle: There certainly are ways we can start to move forward with our grief and start to process it, and when it comes to community grief – if we’re part of a community, whether it be metro or rural, and we’ve lost a member of our community who was well known and may have had an active role in the community, one of the things we can do to honour their life and also help process our grief is to participate in community tributes, whether there might be a memorial held or arranged, or if you’re not able to attend something in person, it may be the social media element, where you can contribute with positive, supportive comments or share your support and grief along that road.

Host: And when it comes to Charlie Kirk – such a very public person, who was prepared to sit with a microphone and answer questions – if you lose someone in your family, that’s a private thing, but this was a very public person, so I’m sure there are a lot of people who felt a real sense of loss themselves, even though they weren’t part of his family, do you think?

Michelle: Oh, absolutely. He was someone providing a role model status for people following politics, so their loss would certainly be felt – if they’re really impacted, his loss and death has had an emotional toll on that person, and there are ways to process it at home as well – grief really requires space and time to process. If someone’s feeling very intense in their grief and not sure what to do with it, it can sometimes just be around acknowledging – taking the first step in managing a process in grief is having, firstly, an acknowledgement of what’s happening, that this is grief, we’re not going mad, that there is a process we can move along to manage. And once that first step is taken, that’s the thing – all the things that we do need to do next to keep processing, keep that emotional flow going.

Host: One final thing – there’s that expression, time heals all wounds. Does it actually?

Michelle: No – this is one that many of us in the grieving community really struggle with. I like to think of it as, we learn to manage our grief as we move forward with our life. For some people that statement can be helpful, and again it’s really individual as to what works in terms of personal grief management, but for me it’s more around – let’s just think of it as, grief can be lifelong, especially if we’ve been in a very intensive relationship with a person, whether it’s a partner or a parent loss, the list goes on and on. But it certainly is around how we manage it, and grief can ebb and flow as well as we go through life and event dates, etc.

Host: Great, thank you for adding to the conversation, it was terrific.

Michelle: Thank you very much, no, thank you for having me on the show – that’s the founder of Grief Connect, Michelle Moriarty.