Grief. Ask the Question: Create a Connection Point.
Most people don’t know what to say, or do when they are around someone who has experienced a death and who is experiencing grief.
Heck, even I didn’t know what to say or to do when Nath died! Becoming a young widow was a huge shock and one I did not expect at age 38. I drew from my Social Work career and widowed lived experience and it became my mission to fill this massive gap in grief language within our communities. My determination to make a difference for others experiencing grief morphed into The Grief Language Project® Connect Cards.
The most helpful thing for me in my early grief, and still to this day, is when I’m asked ‘how are you travelling, Michelle’, or ‘how are you doing missing Nath (my late partner) or Neville (my Dad)?’.
By being asked one of these questions, my grief is acknowledged, and a connection point is offered. A connection in a whole world of grief, which can quite often feel heavy and lonely.
Grief Reponses.
For me, quite often in my early grief my response was “it’s just shit”. Apologies for the cussing, but when your person dies, there are not many other words that quite cover how overwhelming the hopelessness feels. My grief brought with it raw honesty……I didn’t expect anyone to be able to fix my grief……. and underneath the grief overwhelm I was experiencing and the intense sadness, I felt reassured in my grief experience, and grateful that someone cared to ask.
Not sure what to expect??
Well….You may get a quick, short response….. or you may get a deep and meaningful response, either way you can go with the flow in conversation, and connect with the person in compassion and support. These conversations can be so helpful and there is likely to be feelings of relief and appreciation for both of you in the conversation. Remember, be guided by the person you are speaking to around how in depth they would like to go.
So, I encourage you, to be brave and ask the question! It’s time to end our Western society’s inability to deal with grief very well. We all can help make the change! It all starts with a few words. By asking the question you are creating a connection point, and what follows is the person who is grieving can then choose how they respond.
You may or may not see it, but the connection point you just offered could be not only life changing, but life saving for someone whose world is impacted by grief.
To learn how to ask the question and create a connection point, head straight to: www.griefconnect.com.au/connect-cards/
for your deck of ‘The Grief Language Project® Connect Cards’ and share in your home or workplace.
